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The Great Maitland Turkey Farm
Flat Tire & the Great Dane
Bovine Midwifery
Troubadour Emeritus
Judgment & Experience
Preachin', Pickin' & Politicin'
Doctrines of Citizenship
Bean Creek Alphabet
War Bunny

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War Bunny

You know, I'll never forget the time when ol' Still Bill came home. Now he'd no sooner parked his pick up truck down there below the house and shut off the ignition and key when he became aware of the most incredible, hollerin' and squealing emanating from the bathroom window of this house. And he recognized the affrighted, strident tones of his good wife War Bunny and it sounded as if she was overwhelmed with dire exigencies.

Well, he went runnin' up the stairs and as he ran he visualized her plight. He had not expected her back for forty-eight hours or more and he had taken advantage of absence by indulging himself in some home repairs; specifically, the re-enameling of the toilet seat. Well he beat on the door and said,

"Darlin', are ya alright? It's me, Bill."

She said, "You fool, I'm stuck."

Well he tried the door and it was locked.

He said, "Well let me in and I'll help you."

She said, "I can't get to the door you fool. I'm stuck."

And the door was indeed locked for War Bunny was well known in those parts as a righteous woman. Well, he went down to the tool shop and he assembled some tools to extricate her from her precarious position. He got a little putty knife, and he got about a pint of wheel bearing grease, set it up on the radiator to warm it up a little bit. He got a crowbar, and a socket wrench set in case he had to dismantle the accommodation.

Well he went around, he ran the ladder up the side of the house and he had no sooner half shimmied himself over the sill, then his worst fears were confirmed. There was War Bunny, ensconced, mad as a buzzard in a band saw.

Well, he said, "Alright now, I'll have you outta this in just a minute."

He took a big dollop of the wheel bearing grease, he kind of spread it around the perimeter there and worked it in a little bit to break the seal. Then he broke out that crowbar and he… it didn't work. He had no recourse but to dismantle the accommodation.

Well, he got that socket wrench set out and he went to work and that was when he found Narcissa Nonesuch, the community organizer, had come by and changed all the nuts on the accommodation to metric. He went down, he put a metric socket wrench set on his master charge card at Sears and came back up and in short order, he had dismantled the accommodation. He helped War Bunny up there. She came up a little rubber legged. She'd been sittin' there for eighteen hours. She didn't really stand up either, she came up kind of jackknifed you see, because the seat came right up attached. She couldn't walk. He had to carry her down the stairs and he couldn't get her in the cab of the truck either. He had to put on her hands and knees in the bed of that truck. Drove right downtown to the doctor's office, drew quite a crowd. Pulled up in front there and he hauled her in there and set her up on the table and Old Doc made about three complete circuits. Bill said, "Doc, did ya' ever see anything like that before?" The doctor said, "Why yes Bill, I have, but never with a frame around it."

Author: James Gamble Rogers IV

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